I have my ever dependable chocolates with me now. I'm depressed and I'm turning onto my chocolates to cheer me up. At night and when everyone in the house is already sleeping, I'd go downstairs to get my chocolate, turn on the tv and just sit there. Sometimes pa nga, I don't even have to turn on the tv, as long as I'm eating my chocolates, I get consoled (even if it's temporary). I just sit there and then stare blankly into open space. I'm not sure as to where my thoughts would go but oftentimes, I feel like I'm not even thinking of anything.

Just realized something last night. In order for one to really move on, one has to accept things (read from somewhere: In accepting, one can move on). It's true. And I realized that even if I might have no feelings for Alvin anymore and my friends think that I'm over him already, I haven't been truly over him up to now, merely because I still haven't come to accept that he just wasn't serious with me and that I just wasn't the girl for him. I've always hoped that there would be this chance for us to have a talk so that he could answer the many questions I have in mind for him. But up to this day, that chance hasn't arrived and I'll take that as a sign that it is better this way. I might get hurt and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.



I've always preferred the written language over the spoken language. It's just that with words written down, it seems that the ideas and thoughts become immortalized unlike with words that are merely uttered that seem to quickly go with the wind. And with me writing down the goings-on with my life, it gives me something concrete that would help me remember when I could no longer remember. It reminds me of memories that I'm afraid would be forgotten. Besides, it makes me want to believe that if ever a person might have the interest to read through them, they would also be reminded of some things they too have forgotten or that they could relate with me. I mean, I believe that our life stories are intertwined in ways we cannot explain (we may know each other or not, we often find ourselves in some person's stories right?).



It's ironic how everytime we feel sad and lonely, we feel like we are the only one feeling that or that our cause of unhappiness is unique.