Waiting for the Calm After the Storm

In keeping my silence I am trying to be still, putting my faith where it is supposed to be.

Sometimes in my most lowly and lonely times, I find nowhere to turn to except to Him. He hasn't failed me and I know this time, He won't as well.

This may or may not be the worst of times, but I know He won't give me something I can not handle.

These too shall pass as they say. And I know when that happens, I'll be a better and stronger person at that.

Life's Reality

A highschool friend's facebook status reads:

It is a sad reality in life that in some friendships, your 'friend' is just not that into you as much as you are to him/her. The sooner you accept that, the less disappointments you'll have. - C. C.

Apparently, someone can relate.

Sad fact is, friendship like a relationship needs the same degree of 'being into the other person' for it to work. Anything less is probably unacceptable.

Really.

Why? Because no matter how we say we shouldn't expect and we don't expect, we always end up doing just the opposite.

Late Bloomer

def. People who develop more slowly than others in their age group but eventually catches up.

I had my first taste of cotton candy when I was in high school already... a time when most of the students my age, if not all, probably had outgrown their liking to this.

I learned how to commute after I graduated from high school. The only public transportation I knew that time was the LRT. Learning how to commute through other means came later on. That was when I figured I needed alternatives on how to get home after 9pm.

When everyone else was being in a relationship, the idea of me being with someone seemed foreign to me. I decided to take a plunge in this thing called love when I reached mid-20s.

While most of the people born in the same year as mine know of famicom, I didn't have that chance to play with one. Instead, I was busy reading Archie comics and Nancy Drew. Now, I'm trying to catch up by playing the games that were once available in famicom and other game consoles on my DS.

I am one of those hooked to Pet Society and Restaurant City applications on Facebook. Hooked in a way that I tried cajoling my girlfriends into creating their own pets so that I'd have more pets to visit (means more daily profit for me). Apparently, at one point in their lives, all of them got addicted with Neopets (same concept with Pet Society but on a different platform) except me. -_-'

With all these that's been mentioned... does this mean that once a late bloomer, always, will be one? :p

All I Really Need To Know...

All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten is a book of essays written by Robert Fulghum that I've only heard about but haven't laid my hands on yet.

The book's title apparently came from the first essay which enumerates the things the author learned in kindergarten which he thought should be practiced by everyone. Having read that, I was inspired to come up with my own kind of list...

All I Really Need To Know I Learned While Being In A Relationship

- Be honest but tactful. Words can hurt and it's not like we can take back anything that's already been said by just a mere 'sorry'.

- Accept that no two persons are the same. As much as there are common things that we share with our partners, there are differences that can prove to be an annoyance to us as well. What we have to know is that we're never going to be able to change someone if that's how or who he/she really is. From somewhere in the internet it says:

"It's like living with our own body. Sometimes it's a blessing, other times a nuisance. Sometimes it gives us a lot of satisfaction. Other times it drives us mad, but there is not much we can do about it cause it's our own."

Strive... to enhance or improve someone, not overhaul.

- Maintain levelheadedness during arguments. I know it is never easy. Oftentimes, we think that what we believe and feel is right and our partner's - wrong. We hope that they be able to know our minds work and understand how we think. Then again, it's important that we also understand that what may seem obvious to us may not be for them so take time to explain well where one is coming from.

- Be more understanding. When times get rough and stressful, it's not impossible for someone to be moody and high tempered even when dealing with people. We should not take it personally against them and just be 'there'.

- Do not expect. Most of our disappointments come from expecting someone to do something for us just because that's how we think it should be. Be happy and appreciate little things. Those little things mean the most.

- Never take things for granted. Subconsciously we might think that no matter what, our special someone won't stop loving us. With that, we tend to make uncalled-for actions thinking there will be no consequences soon after. We think that it's better for them to see all our flaws because they should be loving us for who we are. But that's not how it goes. Instead, we should remember that they too can get hurt even if we know and say that we won't do anything to hurt them.

There's probably many other things supposed to be included here. Some I might have forgotten... or some, I'm still about to learn.

Overjoyed

I was thinking last night how thankful I am for everything that I have now.

I'm thankful for my family because even if we do have our share of family problems from time to time they still remain the biggest influences in my life.

I'm thankful for my dear friends because through time and distance, I can take pride in the knowledge that these friends are my truest friends. I'm glad I have these ties with my guy friends and girlfriends.

I'm thankful for ronnie because he's got to be the most patient person I know (aside from my family). I'm not the easiest person to deal with when my mood swings kick in but even if he's already frustrated, he does not give up on me.

I'm thankful for the opportunities I've had, for the experiences I've gained, for the challenges I've faced, and for the mistakes I did. I know for sure that these all will help me be a better person.

I'm thankful for Him because it's Him who gives me everything. I have always believed He has given me so much than what I deserve, for that, I am very much grateful.

Tomorrow, I'm turning a year older. I'm taking a birthday leave but I don't really have plans on what I'll do to celebrate. (Pretty ironic since I love preparing for surprise birthday events or treats). I'm ok with it. What's important is that I have all these things that I mentioned and I have more than I can ask for.

:)

Returning Home

6 long months....

I can't believe I've neglected my good old blog for that long. I promise to work on a new layout and revive this thing by next year. :)

Thinking Aloud

I used to be an avid fan of the series 7th Heaven, until I missed a few episodes and eventually lost track of the those i missed. There was this episode where Rev. Camden said something like "it's still better to be harmless than be helpful."

Kasi, oo nga naman, sometimes, even if have all the good intentions in us to help others, nakakasakit pa rin tayo. Minsan pa nga mas nagugulo pa natin yung situation. At least pag harmless ka, you avoid the possibility of hurting people. Pero, pag harmless ka, does that mean that you don't care at what goes on around you? It appears that you're just happy and contented doing your own thing. Which is something that I don't think people can really do because I believe nature na rin natin ang tumulong at ang pagnais na makatulong. Then again, I ask myself why do we help? What is it for us? Kelangan nga bang may mabenefit rin tayo? Ang naiisip ko minsan, somehow we have this ulterior motive: na we think and believe that not everyday is our day and if we help, baka pag tayo na ang mangangailangan, there'll be at least a single person to lend a hand. Question is, is it wrong to have that kind of thinking? I don't know. But that's what happens now. Proof of that is that we have this "utang na loob" concept. We help those who helped us one time or the other. It's a cycle.

But there's a much better scenario and it's one wherein someone performed a good deed for us and we, on our part do not wait for an opportunity para maibalik natin yun to the same person. Instead, help others who are in need hoping that they'd do the same ("pay it forward" concept).

Is that even possible?

Life's Like A Play

Life is short... or so they say. 'They' because I can't quite agree with them since life for me can never be short or long. It all depends on how we look at it and how we make of it. But if i'd have to choose between a short but colorful life and a long but ordinary life, i'd prefer the former. Colorful.... doesn't mean a life filled with utter bliss but the opposite. It's having been able to live the ups and downs of life and yet learning many valuable lessons.

The idea is for each and everyone of us to make the most out of what He has lent us. Since we know how time flies and that it won't wait for us to get our act together, we should

1. learn to set our priorities straight.
2. enjoy simple things.
3. do something worthwile and meaningful.
4. be more appreciative of the things and the people around us - to not take anything or anyone for granted.

In short, live life to the fullest - to seize the day and treat each day as if it the last day of our lives. Let's not be like those people who live day by day wandering around aimlessly, not knowing what to do, not knowing where to go. These are people who don't know what they want out of life that's why they see it as one big bore.

After all, as my title suggests, it matters not how long the action in a play is spun out, but how good the acting is.

How Would You

spend the last day of your life?

I don't know. Probably the same way as i do with the other days.

Kaya nga dapat live, love and learn as if there's no tomorrow na diba?

March 23, 2004 Post

Ask me what I fear the most and one probably won't hear the end of it.

one fear is that I won't have the right attitude when my faith is put to the test.

Some people has this notion that when problems arise or if they find themselves in a difficult situation, they'd think that it's a punishment for their wrongdoings. Although at times, He uses that to teach us a lesson, there are times when He allows bad things to happen because He wants His children to be closer to Him and to see if they will still on hold on to Him no matter what.

Apart from knowing this, I also know that I have to make Him the controller of my life (i.e. to give him the free rein) when I accepted Him as my Savior. It means that I surrender my everything to Him. Thus it scares me, that one day, He might test me and strip me off with everything that I have right now (just like He did to test Job, who proved his faith to Him was strong). I'm scared because I'm not too sure how I will react.

So what do I do? I pray, pray that I'd be like Job when that happens.

people always lie and other realizations

i've been watching house. in two days, i finished episodes 1 to 22 of season 1 (i probably would have finished it in just a day but i had to sleep too you know).

after that i had these thoughts to myself:

- He really is all-knowing. I wanted to be a doctor but He didn't let me. He probably knew that since I'm like a sponge when it comes to people and feelings i wouldn't last in that profession. For the longest time, I've been thinking if I made the right decision in choosing IT instead of medicine. Lately, I'm thinking maybe i did. (there's the maybe still though).

- If that's how doctors are generally, then being one isn't easy. They must go through a lot - lots of guessing, conflict and guilt even.

- one thing with tv shows, or movies, or novels or comics., one is bound to come across a character similar to their own personality. In one of the episodes, House tells Cameron that he's not some charity case she can work on. i guess there's this want in me to convert someone, to make them be better men (very same reason i used to like bad guys, i know it's pathetic).

- people always lie, it's House's main belief. i wish it's not true.yes, we do.

- In one of the episodes, Chase's dad arrives in the hospital and Chase was just indifferent. He told House that he actually loves his dad. Really. He loved him that it hurt him when he didn't remember his birthday or when he didn't show up for special events in his life. He thought it would be better if he just didn't care. If he didn't care at all, he won't be disappointed anymore. He wanted to feel numb. Sometimes that's just what i want to do. To just DON'T CARE.

- Cameron said something like this to House: "I (always) thought you're not capable of loving. You just don't love me." I used to have this notion that he wasn't capable of sticking to one girl and be really serious with her. But now that I know he's still with her girlfriend years ago, it means he just didn't like me. He didn't. And i should stop making myself believe that at one point, he actually did.

- it's because of these stories and lines that draw me from one series or another. the sadder the quotes and the stories, the more it appeals to me.