I was rummaging into my treasure chest (uh.. box lang pala) and trying to look for an old photograph of a high school friend and I chanced upon the letters my friends gave me years ago. Remember those times when exchanging letters seemed to be the "in" thing in school? Upon seeing those letters, I can't help but be nostalgic. Reminiscing about my elementary and high school days meant remembering all the guys who were, at one point in my life, became important to me (i hope I was that to to them as well) and I tell you, there were many of them.

Back when I was in pre-school, I can't say that I had already started being comfortable with guys being my friends since I remember that the only guy I had interaction with during this time was this guy that became the target of my bully persona (hey, that was me before ok??? it's different now) Whenever I see something from him that I like, I usually end up bringing that at home and considering it mine. My mom would be surprised to see me come home almost every week with some new toy (that scared her, thinking I was a kleptomaniac... ) As I think about it, I know I didn't resort to physical nor verbal harrasments so that I could get what I wanted (or did I?) but I wonder how come he gives them to me naman??

The next guy I knew was Jerome. I was in grade 2 at that time I became classmates with him in our chinese class. I think it's important that I mention he was 17 years old that time (that was possible in a chinese school since english and chinese classes were held separately). He was already in high school as far as English classes are concerned but in Chinese class, he was way behind. I hated the moment I became seatmates with him. He was this typical loko-lokong guy (one who gets into the nerves of the teacher) and I didn't want to deal with someone like that. Later on, we would find ourselves chatting and laughing during class. What we talked about and what we found most funny escape me now (that was years ago, ok??).

The next year, he became my classmate again. Just when I though one guy friend such as him was enough, I had the unfortunate (or should I say fortunate?) opportunity of being classmates with 2 other guys his age and quite just like him. One of the guys, Wilfredo (who could forget a name like that?!), became my friend as well. The other one? I didn't really liked talking with him. Wilfredo would often perform for us during recess and imitate Francis M. (this was the height of the Mga Kababayan Ko craze) that would elicit laughter from us.

Wilfredo was also my classmate on my 4th grade but Jerome dropped out our class that year and I never heard anything from him again. 'Twas the same year I met another 17-year old guy (hmm.. i was into older guys na pala dati pa.. tsk tsk), Alfonso. He also became the first guy I had a crush on. We became close friends and I don't know what got into me but I told him one day that I have a crush on him. No, he didn't act like some scared guy who would avoid me and keep his distance from me. In fact, he remained to be a good friend, almost like a brother, even after I told him that. The duration was only a year though cause we drifted apart. There were no away or anything, basta we just drifted away from each other.

By this time, my parents knew that my closest friends seem to be guys and they attributed this to the fact that I don't have a brother (which I think in some ways is the reason why I like being friends with the male gender). It was also this time that I'd help out my friends in their academics (parang baliktad no?? remember, i was the good student here, they were not... now, that's a really weird combination...) Take for instance: My teacher used to ask me to collect our final exam papers and arrange them alphabetically during recess. I'd see Alfonso's a little over blank paper and I'd try to copy his handwriting and ten answer some of the questions he wasn't able to answer. I don't know if Alfonso learned of it, nevertheless, I just wanted to help him pass the tests.

Among Jerome, Wilfredo, Ian (a guy the same age with me and from my English class naman), I was closest with Alfonso that is why I couldn't help but cry when I found our friendship wavering. I didn't do anything about it and he didn't either.

I found refuge with Jason who was my classmate in my grade 5 english class. And again, he was one of the notorious guys who thinks he could get away with whatever he wants to do and he did, but above all things, he listened to me. I forgot how we managed to become friends. We weren't even seatmates kaya nga when we became friends na, he would ask whoever is seated next to me to trade seats with him para we could talk in class. After lunch, since maaga kami pumapasok for our chinese class, he'll visit me in my room and then joke around. We didn't talk on the phone (d pa naman uso yun non besides, he usually goes to La Union during weekends). It was this closeness that made our classmates link us with each other. We had review week before our final exam week and what our teacher does is that they'd call a girl and a guy to go to the board and unahan sila to answer the question. Usually, if Jason's name would be called first, my classmates would call out my name in an instant and vice-versa. We weren't affecred by this because we knew that we were only best of friends. If there's one material thing that I cherish most, that would be the Christmas card he gave me. It was my first time to receive a card of that size (d pa din uso yung malalaking cards that time). And then he enclosed heart-shaped cut outs in that card pa (i lost them na nga lang). He asked his sister to write his message kasi pangit daw sulat nya and there he told me how special I am to him. The card and how he gave it to me, I'll always remember that.

I think Jason was the 1st guy that I ever cared for deeply. Just imagine how crushed I was when we went our separate ways. Maybe it was my fault. I became too possessive. Gusto ko ako lang girl best friend nya. I especially hated it when he was being friends with this certain girl I guess I was afraid to lose him like what happened with Alfonso. Or it could be a plain and simple case of immaturity. Dahil sa ginawa ko, I did lose him in the end. I just console myself na lang with the fact that we had 2 years of happy memories.

During those 2 years pala, there were also my other guy friends, Alvin (not the same Alvin with whom I lost my sanity), Jason 2nd (from grade 5 chinese class), John, Joseph and Ferdinand, all of which a year older than me. Alvin went transferred to St.Stephen's, Jason 2nd left for the states, John, Ferdinand, and Joseph remained my friends till high school.

Sigh... I don't think I could continue writing about my guy friends in high school for now. Just writing about Jason brought back feelings of regret to me. And if there's anything that I don't wanna feel, that would be regret. It's just that I regret acting the way I did and not doing anything on my part to patch things up. I could have done something, I know it, but my pride got the better out of me.